I"M THINKING ABOUT THINGS GUYS

A collection of things I'm thinking about:

 

1. A Check in: Remember that post about wellness and balance? Yep, still trying to find that! "Balance" changes from week to week- but some weeks are rougher than others. The last two have been exhausting! I've been struggling to self care in a few important areas. However! I've been trying to heal my body and some of this adrenal fatigue with proper nutrition- and I see a definite change in my overall sense of physical well-being. Additionally, I'm trying to drink a green smoothie every day for 30 days. Do you have any recipes for me to try?? Please tell! Baby steps guys, baby steps.

2. A Heart Thought: This topic seems to be coming up in conversations with a few people I'm close with lately and it's been on my heart a lot the last few weeks. Relationships are hard! And they are especially hard with a baby. Everything changes! Things you didn't even know could change, will change. Lucas and I have experienced this rough terrain first hand. Only now are we feeling that connection and unity again. And it takes WORK. Which it didn't before we had a baby. Before the Pea came to be we went on dates and adventures whenever we felt like it. We stayed up talking for hours. We had no one's schedule to operate on but our own. Household responsibilities were split easily. It was never hard to find time to love each other. We couldn't have imagined a time where we wouldn't feel like we were on the same team. And then we had Gavin. And with all of the love and fullness that came along with this amazing gift, came a lot of hard work. Hard work that took a major toll on us physically, emotionally, and especially relationally. And what do you do with that? What do you do when you feel like the person you were meant to do this deal with suddenly becomes someone you spend hours, days, weeks, months feeling resentful towards? When the mutual love you had based this life-changing decision on seems too far away and would require too much energy that neither of you have to get back? I definitely don't have the answers. I only know what we have done to grow together again- which has required about a zillion parts humility, one hundred parts willingness, and a trillion "I love you's". We started speaking each other's love languages- realizing that we give and receive love in totally different ways. We had to start picking up each other's slack, and realizing that it wasn't "slack" at all- it was the natural ebb and flow of having a child and both being in the middle of an identity crisis- am I who I was before or am I a totally different personal altogether now that we have a child? The old habits and ways you show your love for others and schedules you used to have need to die, and the old ideas you had surrounding "fairness" in a relationship have to die, too. And that is an extremely painful process. Self awareness can feel like a prison- but ironically it's the key to your freedom as well. What helped us fall into love again was remembering that we're not alone- we're together.

What I can say on the other side is this: It was all worth it. Everything. I am more in love with Lucas today than I ever was before we ever struggled to love each other. But I feel like it's important to say this: IT'S OKAY TO STRUGGLE TO LOVE YOUR PARTNER. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. And you will be okay.

3. A Pea Thought: We have an angry Pea on our hands this week, ladies and gentleman. I don't know where this tiny psychotic slave-driver came from, but his rightful owner can take him back at any time. Except I would miss his chubby legs....and his toothy grins... and snuggling him in the morning. OKAY FINE I'LL KEEP HIM. Ugh.

XO,

Maddi & the Pea