Good Evening!
Ugh. This week has been long.
Ugh. This week has been long.
I wanted this blog to be all about family and designing a beautiful life around the truly important stuff in it. But today was a long day, and the past few months have been long months- if I'm being honest. I want to share that process here, because I want this blog to be full of experiences that are REAL, and that other people might relate to. I have a feeling some people might relate to this. So:
I stayed home with my son from the time he was born until he was 9 months old. He'll be 1 on Friday, and the past three months I've been working in a field I absolutely love- design! I am a tile and stone designer, and it's been a great experience so far. However...
I'm really struggling with balance. Like a lot. I feel like there are never enough hours in the day to do the work I love to do, to love on the pea that makes my world go around, and on his daddy who is my heart and my best friend. I feel like I don't have enough time to work out- which is important for my health (I am a Type 1 Diabetic), to go to the doctor as frequently as I need to (which is pretty frequently), to grocery shop for wholesome foods to keep our family healthy and energized, to participate regularly in my spiritual practice, and to see friends and family. I never feel relaxed. It's not just that I don't have the time- it's that I don't have the energy either. I struggle with depression as well- and maybe that's where part of the solution lies. I struggle to regularly take my medication, and when I don't do that I feel absolutely exhausted. It's hard for me to see the need to take it when don't immediately feel the sadness and darkness closing in- I'm just really tired. And so I chalk it up to other things-like not having enough time.
I don't "look" depressed. I don't always act depressed. But I am so, so tired of trying to juggle everything- and of feeling extreme anxiety and paralyzing fear and failure every time I'm not perfectly balanced in every aspect of my life at work and at home. So I'm going to make the time to go to a doctor and find more options for myself-whether that is staying on medication, or therapy, or fill-in-the-blank "doctors orders".
This is an intense post for the beginning of my blog. I hope to use this as a jump-off point for the honesty I want to reflect from this space. I'll stay open about my journey with wellness and balance here. I say journey because I don't think the search for those things has a permanent destination. I have a feeling that, like most things in life, balance and wellness are fluid. I'm just trying to find some sweet spots along the way.
PHEW. Now that's over.
If you think this was bad NEVER, and I mean NEVER, watch Requiem for a Dream.
That is all.
XO
Maddi
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